Stormy Eyes
by Yellow kiwi
Summary: AU. Nagato's life is better, but with stress from school, and a painful past, he's become emotionally unstable. When he and his friend Konan start to worry about Yahiko's social life, secrets start to come out between the three friends. YahNaga yaoi
1. A Better Place

**Warning:** Mature subjects, such as, abuse, death, and sexual themes, boy love; in other words homosexuality. If you are uncomfortable with any of these subjects it's understandable, and please do not go on to read this story, thank you.

Chapter 1: A better place

It's bright, blindingly so, but I continue to stare at the hand above me. My skin is pale, and almost seems to shine along with the harsh bathroom lights. A trail of red runs down my wrist, slowly like red ink on paper. A drop forms after the trail has sunk down my arm a little. It waits collecting some of its friends before it drops, and hits me on the forehead. I close my eyes as I feel the warm liquid run down my face.

A harsh knock shakes me out of my ritual. "Nagato, are you done yet? I need to use the bathroom too!" Yahiko complains.

"Hold on...just a minute," I say softly in return, as I get to my feet. I wash my hands and wrist, before quickly splashing water in my face to get rid of any evidence. Then I put on a familiar wristband to cover up my obsession.

I open the door for my friend. I give him a weak smile, "Sorry it took so long. I didn't know you came home."

Yahiko stretches his arms and places them behind his head. "Finished early today, the team is really working together well." He explains before entering our shared bathroom. I can't help but feel slight guilt every time I ask Yahiko about his job. Yahiko is basically supporting Konan and me. Every time I mention it he tells me not to worry about it, that he's just glad we where all able to get out of the horrible foster home. Yahiko is the oldest out of all of us. He recently turned eighteen, and is a Janitorial Supervisor for a large office building. He only works evenings and some of the night. He usually gets home pretty late, but Konan and I always stay up and wait for him. I'm not as strong as Yahiko…though sometimes I wish I could be.

I rub my wrist, feeling slight shame, however this feeling has never stopped me from cutting myself, no matter how many times it bubbles up in side of me. A part of me wants to stop…but a bigger part of me is addicted to it. I depend on it….it's how I handle stress. There's something relieving about when the blade or razor cuts my skin, as if I'm releasing all my pain, all my bad blood.

I hear the shower running and look at the bathroom door, before walking out of mine and Yahiko's room. Konan is sitting on the floor in front of our coffee table in our small apartment. She's finishing homework. I sit down across from her, in front of out TV.

"Do you think Yahiko's happy?" I question her, my face blank.

She gives me a knowing look. "Nagato, don't worry about him. You know he hates it when we do. We're the only family he has…I know he enjoys being with us, even if that comes at a price.

"I just fear that his lack of education…" I don't finish my sentence. Yahiko dropped out of school at the age of sixteen, when his search for independence started. Once he got a job, and rented this apartment, he got Konan and me out of our foster home, and announced that we now only took care of each other. Despite ignoring his own education, he insisted that Konan and I finish high school. Konan and I are about the same age, only a couple of month off, and in our last year of high school.

"Why don't you fix Yahiko his dinner?" Konan tells me, knowing very well that I was still worrying over our friend. She always finds things to distract me with. My two dear friends always seem to baby me...I know it's because I'm so emotionally weak.

It's nine ten, Yahiko usually gets home around nine thirty. He usually works from five to nine, every day except for Sunday. He takes his dinner late, because of this. Konan and I usually let him eat in peace, we eat our dinner at six. I go over to refrigerator to grab the plate of leftovers that I always keep for Yahiko from mine and Konan's dinner. It's faster that way, only having to heat the food up, so Yahiko won't have to wait in hunger.

"Konan, did the bills come in the mail today?" Yahiko questions. I look over my shoulder to see the orange haired boy, drying his face, dressed in his pajamas.

"Yeah, I already went out and paid them with the money you put away." Konan is in charge of our money...which isn't much. However she always managed to make sure we have food, running water and electricity. So occasionally the cable went out along with the phone, but those weren't that important.

"Even the cable and phone bill?" He questioned. Konan nodded proudly. "Nice budgeting."

"I don't know why you just don't let us get some part time jobs to help you out," my blue haired friend retorts.

"Don't you have homework you can't seem to finish even with all the time you have now?"

"That's not the point." She says seriously. I wince a little not wanting to hear yet another argument between my two friends about this subject.

"Konan I just came home from work, don't nag." Yahiko whines, and comes towards the kitchen taking a sit at our small square dinning table. Granted our apartment is pretty cramped, and obviously not made for three people, but, it didn't bother any of us. Konan had her own small room, and a half bath. Yahiko and me shared the large (but not by much) master bedroom. In the middle of the apartment was our living room, which only had one couch a coffee table and TV. Off to the side slightly was our connected kitchen, with the dining table straddling the threshold between the rooms.

Once heated properly I take Yahiko's dinner out of the microwave, and set it in front of him. I'm in charge of cooking, and keeping the apartment clean...or at least livable. I only got stuck with this because Konan is much better at math then I am. However I don't complain, I'm grateful that I'm of some use.

Yahiko picks up his fork, but pauses. "Did you finish your homework?" he questions me.

"You sound like a father," Konan teases with a slight snort of arrogance.

I smile softly, "yes I did."

"Good," with that the red head starts to eat.

I walk toward my bedroom. My female roommate gathers her papers and looks up at me. "Already going to bed?"

"Yeah…we have a test tomorrow," I say simply.

"Goodnight!" My two friends say in unison.

"Goodnight," I answer back tenderly.

* * *

_My hands cover my mouth as I tried to suppress my sobs. My dark red hair veieds my eyes from the world. _

"_Hey, what are you crying about this time?" Yahiko looked at me from his bed. The other two boys we shared our room with where still fast asleep._

"_N-nothing…" I stuttered. _

"_Yeah right. You had another nightmare didn't you." Yahiko sliped out of his bed, and came toward me his hands on his hips. I didn't answer, I just let my hands drop away from my face, and let my head sink lower._

"_What was it this time?"_

"_Monster…" I said pathetically._

"_You know monsters aren't real." He scolded me._

"_Not scary monsters…but people that are like monsters," I tried to explain._

"_People like that are just ass holes. Is she hurting you again?" Yahiko questions protectively._

"_No…" I lie. He seems relieved and assumed that I must be upset because one of the boys was picking on me again._

"_You're such a cry baby, you need to stand up for yourself. I can't always come and protect a cry baby like you."_

My eyes flutter open, and I turn on my side slowly. I look at the bed only a couple of feet away from me. Yahiko's fast asleep, and I smile softly. Even though he always said he wouldn't protect me forever, every time I cried he came running.

I slip out of my bed, and go to our dresser to get out my school uniform, before heading into the bathroom. Every movement is routine, but my thoughts are never the same. Konan once told me I have the tendency to over think things, or think too much; which sometimes causes me to worry. I always try to find answers to things that sometimes just can't be explained…like human cruelty. I look at my wrist, letting out a sigh, I take of the band that covers my cuts. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes. I can't stop thinking about the past…the pain that we've all endured. I just wonder why…is it something we did? Are we just cursed? Cold tears run down my face, and I try to wipe them away furiously. I don't want to cry…but the more I try to stop myself from showing weakness; the sadder I become. I feel bitter and angry...but I just don't know how to express these feelings. I only know how to express sorrow. I'm pathetic…

"Nagato?" I jump a little surprised at the soothing deep voice behind me. I clasp my hand over my damaged wrist and pull both my hands towards my chest, like a child trying to seek comfort within their own embrace.

Yahiko crouches down next to me, I turn my head away. He always knows when I'm crying...he always comes running.

He puts his arm around me, and with a chuckle that holds no humor asks, "What is it this time, cry baby?"

I weep openly, my body shutters, and hold on tightly to my nightshirt. "I'm sorry…"

"It's fine." His hand brushes my hair out of my face. I look at the tile floor not wanting to make eye contact.

"We're not there anymore…you don't have to be afraid, and you don't have to cry. We're safe…we're in a better place." He assures me. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks about our old foster home. He never shows any sorrow, anger or bitterness, he only holds confidence, strength and determination, and I admire him for that. It's like nothing can drag him down; no instead it only makes him stronger. While I let things eat away at me.

"I...I have to get ready for school," I tell Yahiko and he smiles at me before nodding and exiting the restroom.

Once I'm dressed I quietly exit my bedroom and go into the kitchen to start breakfast. Konan sits in front of the TV watching the news.

"Good morning," I greet her.

"Morning." She replies half ignoring me as she listens to a report. I get out some eggs, and bacon, along with a frying pans.

Konan stands up during commercial and leans over the counter watching me cook.

"Do you think Yahiko, has a life?" I look at her confused. "You know like normal people."

"I thought you said not to worry about him."

"Yeah I did," she mutters. "But I was just thinking, it's your fault really, for bringing it up last night."

"I suppose…Yahiko never complains about it." I mutter out.

"He never complains about anything. I'm just wondering, does Yahiko have a sex life?"

I stare wide-eyed at the blue haired girl. "That...that's, not really any of our business!" I blurt out.

"Do you have a sex life Nagato," Konan questions seriously.

"Konan!" I say blushing so hard that the color of my cheeks almost matches my hair.

"Nagato's still a virgin," she chimes.

"So!" I snap back at her with embarrassment. "Aren't you?"

Konan stops, and frowns a little. "Yeah, but it's still fun to tease you about it."

"Why do you care about Yahiko's…um...romantic life?"

"He's eighteen now. It's about time he finds himself a nice girl. I mean…he should have a future of his own. He can't be watching after us the rest of his life." I nod in understanding.

"Are you going to ask him about it?" I question my friend.

"No." She says as if it were obvious. "You know he's going to say something like, 'what does it matter'. He's a man, he must have urges." Konan didn't seem phased by the subject at all.

"Konan!" I yell yet again.

"It's perfectly natural." She says emotionlessly.

"I don't want to talk about this."

"Maybe I should hook you up with a girl too," Konan muses out loud. I simply ignore her, I know she's only joking. "There's this girl, in our school, Anko, she seems like Yahiko's type." She goes back to her usual serious tone.

I remove the eggs and bacon from the pan shrugging. He's never talked about girls or anything remotely related to romance. I think Konan is only interested in that part of Yahiko's life, because she's a girl.

"Yahiko needs a distraction," Konan says, closing her eye and letting out a sigh. I hand her a small plate with her breakfast.

"What does it matter?" I question her.

"I just think he needs to live a little, experience the world like normal kids his age would." Konan explains calmly

"Well…I don't know. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to set up a date for him," I say with a small smile on my lips. Konan nods in return.

"Then I'll see if Anko's interested." We both sit down and eat together. Konan always looks so smart in her uniform. The red and black plaid skirt reaches down almost to her knees, heavy black boots cover her calves. Her black button up shirt is tight around her form. A red bow is tied around her neck, and a red cloud (our school insignia) is on her right breast. My uniform is much simpler. Red pants (skinny cut), a black shirt with a red tie, and of course the same insignia on my right breast. Students usually wore the uniform according to their own style.

After breakfast we head out to start walking to our school; Akatsuki High.

"There, that's Anko," Konan points out. I look at the girl she's pointing at. She's also wearing boots though her skirt is much shorter then Konan's, and her shirt is unbuttoned showing a lot of cleavage. "What do you think?

"Um…she's ok…I guess." I say not really knowing what Konan wants in reply.

"She's a pretty tough girl, I think she could keep up with Yahiko." Konan thinks out loud. "I'll go talk to her, I'll see you in class, ok?"

I quicken my pace, to hurry up and get inside of the school building. Other students stand around in the courtyard waiting or talking to friends. Konan has made some friends, and I'm sure this Anko is one of them. For myself, I haven't really bothered to meet anyone. Konan and Yahiko are friends enough for me.

"Hey! Nagato!" I am pulled back by my shoulder, and hit someone's chest. "Did you do the homework?"

A familiar voice asks, "Yes Madara." I step away from the boy and attempt to continue walking. However once again I'm stopped and the boy forces me to face him.

"Well are you going to give it to me?" He questions with a smirk on his face. With a sigh I reach into my bag and hand my papers to him. He snatches them from me. "Thanks!"

"_You're such a cry baby, you need to stand up for yourself. I can't always come and protect a cry baby like you."_

I lower my head, as Madara passes by me and disappears into the school. He always does this, and I can't ever bring myself to tell him no. He always gives me the homework back, of course, but I suppose it's the fact that he expects me to do all the work for him. I try not to let this bother me, after all the rest of the day could go by pretty well.

I slide open the door to my classroom, it's empty except to Madara who's currently in his desk copying my homework. I sit down in my own desk, which is only three desks down from Madara's. I'm usually always the first to arrive. My papers drop on my desk, and I stop looking out of the window to see Madara returning my work.

"Thanks," he smirks at me, resting his hand on my desk. I stare at him with unease.

"You know Nagato." He leans in closer, and I pull away. "I could use you."

"What?" I gasp out, as Madara's hand pushes back my hair, much like Yahiko does. He pulls me close to him, and before I can even react his lips are against my own. I struggle, and try to push him away, but none of it seems to phase him.

"S-stop—" I manage to mutter out before his tongue slips into my mouth.

I hear a loud pop, and Madara pulls away angrily. "What the—"

"Go find some other kid to molest, Madara!" Konan snaps at him. The dark haired boy glares at Konan, but she is very calm and doesn't let it bother her. After shooting me a glance, Madara goes to sit down in his desk.

"Are you ok, Nagato?" She asks me sweetly.

I frown deeply, "Yeah, I'm ok." I don't want her to fuss over me...I really need to learn how to take care of myself.

"Well I talked to Anko, she seems pretty interested. Why don't you help me out?' There she goes again trying to distract me with some task that she could easily handle herself. "Why don't you talk to Yahiko, see how he feels about a date on Sunday?"

"All right," I say, and turn back to stare out of the window. I twist my wristband as slowly that same feeling of sorrow and shame fills my soul.


	2. Helping a Friend

Chapter 2: Helping a Friend

I set my school bag down next to my bed. The door to the bathroom is wide open; I approach it so that I can close it.

"How was school?" Yahiko questions. I jump a little in surprise, when I see him in the rest room by the sink.

"W-what are you doing in here with the door open?" I question.

Yahiko pulls his hands out of the soapy sink water, a tan gray shirt clasp between his fingers. "Laundry." He states. "My work shirt needed to be washed, but I couldn't wait till laundry day." He explains, I nod in understanding.

"Well, Yahiko, can I talk to you about something then?" I question shyly.

Yahiko develops a look of concern on his face. "Of course Nagato."

I smile a little to reassure my friend that it's nothing to worry about. "Konan, and I have been thinking...and…Well how would you feel about going out on a date on Sunday?"

Yahiko's light blue eyes open wide as he looks at me. I wait for his answer with a wiry smile barley clinging to my lips. The orange haired boy looks down at the clothes he's washing, as if thinking about my proposal. Then he looks at me again. "A date?"

"Yeah…" I mutter out.

A notice a slight blush on my friend's cheeks, but he is hiding any feeling of embarrassment. He stays in control of his emotions, calm and collected. I twist my wristband nervously. Blue eyes scan over me, and a smile appears on his lips.

"I'd love to, Nagato."

I feel a little relieved. "Good, I'll tell Konan, to tell her friend it's a date." A flash of confusion comes over my friend's face, but he quickly tucks it away.

"Just tell Konan to give me the details about where I'll meet her friends, once she's talked to...her." Yahiko's voice held a questioning tone.

"She thought I should talk to you about it, because we're both guys." I tell him, believing his confusion is steaming from wonder why Konan herself didn't just ask.

"Of course," he nods, a smile still on his face, and continues to clean his shirt. I pull the door closed a little but not completely. I walk over to my dresser and change out of my school uniform, which I lay neatly inside the said dresser.

* * *

I set Konan's dinner in front of her. Before I sit in front of my own.

"What did Yahiko say?" She questions, only asking now that he's at work.

"He said he'd love to." I tell her, shoving my fork into the soft rice covered by white sauce, and little chunks of fish.

"That's good." Konan took a bite of food.

I chew and then look up at Konan. "He seemed really strange about it though."

"Well, frankly I'm not surprised. He's never been on a date, he's probably just nervous."

"Probably," I nod. I know I would be if I where him. Especially since he doesn't even know the girl. "I hope it goes well."

"It should, I don't think Yahiko's that social starved that he won't be able to handle the situation. You know him, he adapts quickly." Again I nod, and continue to eat in silence.

Once we both finished I took our plants to clean them in the sink. Konan gets up and goes into her room, most likely to read a book. The three of use our close, and spend a lot of time together but we all need time to ourselves to, which me an Konan get after dinner, while we stay up and wait for Yahiko to come home. Then Yahiko usually gets his alone time during the day, if he's not doing something. Like getting his paycheck cashed, and putting the money away for Konan to budget. Or talking to the landlord about problems in our apartment and of course going out to do laundry on laundry day. The apartment complex has washing machines and dryers down in the basement, but it usually takes us a while to get enough clothes together for a load.

After drying the dishes with a kitchen towel, and putting them away in their proper place, I retreat to my own room. I shut the door behind me, my hands pressed against the wood along with my back. All the frustration and stress of the day builds up inside me as I stand there. Thinking about Madara…and how I needed Konan to help me, simply because I'm too afraid to stand up for myself. I touch my lips, feeling filthy. Why did I always let Madara do whatever he wanted? I always let him take my homework; I always let him touch me…even if today was the first time he's ever kissed me. He's touched me before, with that smirk on his face, always saying the same thing. "I could use you."

I am not naïve…I know what he means by that…and I can't help the feeling of disgust inside me. But it's not directed at him…but myself. I have never in my teenage years been attracted to women. I slide down the door with slight tears running over my cheeks as images from my past foster mother flash before my eyes.

"Oh, god…" I whisper out, holding my head before continuing to sob. My memories of the day and the past mix together and I no longer feel clean. I feel like a used toy, something you throw away after a couple of uses. Madara would eventually do the same thing…I wouldn't stop him. What could I do? He's bigger, and stronger then I am. I never want to be touched by anyone again…not in that way…not with those thoughts running through their mind.

I hold on to my wrist trying to calm down. I don't want to cry so loud that Konan will hear me. Slowly I get up unclasping my wristband, and holding it tightly to my chest….and so the ritual begins anew.

I walk into the bathroom closing and locking the door behind me. I let my wristband drop on the floor carelessly as I make my way towards the sink cabinet. I get down on my knees and open the cabinet door, pushing aside various products like shaving cream and gel. I reach in for a bottle of lotion that belongs to me. Yahiko never touches it, mainly because he could care less how moisturized his skin is. However I use it because my fair skin burn easily and the lotion also has sun block in it along with the daily moisturizer. I tip the bottle so I can see the bottom of it. A small razor attached to it with a piece of black duck tape, that I use to reattach and hide my weapon.

I wash off the small blade, before letting it hover over my scarred skin; barley healed from the night before. I always cut in a small area that can be easily covered by my wristband. I could cut my inner thigh, which would always be hidden… however, I did not get the same relief from that area. I had tried it once, and it wasn't the same. No, my pain would have to flow from my wrist, covering my hands, or arms, as evidence of my suffering and weakness. I have to see it move, I had to see it leave my body and flow out to some spot covering it, as if shielding it from the world. The world I'm too much of a crybaby to handle.

The tip of the razor pierces my skin. I never cry when I do this…I've become numb to the pain. It is a cleansing, I shed no tears only bad blood, and let it wash away the day. I make a horizontal line over old scars avoiding the one from yesterday that is still too fresh to re open. It's almost beautiful when the blood comes out in that straight line, like paint appearing out of thin air. It runs and hides the ugly scars, and choppy skin that I've just sawed through. It's deep this time, I can feel it. My eyes flutter a little bit, and I already feel dizzy. I watch the drops hit the bathroom floor, and slide down to sit on the tile, my legs tucked underneath me. A lot of blood escapes my wrist, but I don't panic. I just let it flow freely, for a couple more seconds before garbing some toilet paper and adding pressure to the wound. Maybe it was a little to deep this time. I press hard, letting the tissue sock up the red liquid. I hiss a little as I feel the pain of my hand pressing so hard on my wrist. I smile sadly, it's my own fault. I can't even do this right…not today.

I sit there for a while, feeling light headed, but I keep the pressure. Finally when I think it's safe to remove the toilet paper, I flush the evidence down the toilet, and was my hands. My vision is a little off, and my head feels like it's floating. I clumsily hide away my razor, and search for the wristband I had discarded earlier. Once I've found it I put it on quickly and take my leave. I need some sugar, or something to eat.

I stumble out of the bathroom, a particularly bad dizzy spell hitting me at that moment.

"Whoa, Nagato, are you ok?" I hear Yahiko's voice. My head rests against his chest and his arms are wrapped around me, protectively. But I'm not crying this time; he doesn't need to be here.

"I'm fine," I tell him, and steady myself. Yahiko's hands come to surround my face, pulling me up. His eyebrows frowned and his eyes full of worry. "I'm fine." I whisper out again.

"You look sick." He says and then gently pushes my hair out of my face, like he always does.

"It's nothing, I just need some water, and something to eat." I tell him, holding on to my aching wrist with slight worry. What time is it? Was I in there for so long? Why is he here…did he get off early again?

"I'll go get you something," My friend releases my face and makes a move to leave. I stop him.

"I'm not a baby, I can get it myself." I tell him softly.

"Why don't' you lay down?" he tells me rather then asks. I shake my head gently.

"Take you're shower Yahiko, you don't need to fuss over me every second of your life." I tell him, that feeling of shame and uselessness rising up in my chest. "I don't want to burden you more then I already am." I smile at him softly…weakly.

"You're not a burden!" Yahiko seems insulted. "You know Konan and yourself have never been a burden." He says with a long sigh.

"I know..." I say lowering my head. "You've worked hard, relax, I can take care of myself." I say flatly, and move past my friend. I know he's watching me o, with that same worry swimming in his eyes.

I walk into the kitchen and get myself a snack, setting it on our small kitchen table. I then turn and put Yahiko's dinner in the microwave, waiting until it's heated and putting it across from my own food, before I begin to eat.

Konan exits her room. "Hungary again?" She questions. I am usually one who doesn't eat much, so it must be a strange sight to her.

"Yes, just a little."

Yahiko comes out a slight frown on his face.

"Hey, Yahiko." Konan greets.

Our orange haired friend looks up soon letting a smile consume his earlier frown. "Hey, so do I get to see a picture of the girl you're trying to hook me up with, or is that suppose to be a surprise."

"It depends do you have a picture I can show her?"

"Tsk, no. I don't go around taking pictures of myself Konan." He says jokingly, and sits down.

"True, oh well, guess it's a surprise."

"How am I suppose to know if she's there when we meet for our date?" Yahiko says casually taking a bite of his food. I continue to nibble on my snack, listening to the conversation, not wanting to interrupt.

"Well I'll just tell you what she's planning on wearing, and you'll know when you see a girl in that outfit."

"Why are you playing match maker all of a sudden anyway?"

"Cause all you do is eat sleep, and work."

"Work is the only wife I need." Yahiko says dramatically. To which Konan shakes her head not at all amused.

"Seriously Yahiko, when's the last time you went out on a date?"

"When I was seventeen." He says.

"I don't remember that."

"It was the night I lied and said I was working late." Yahiko replies with a shrug and continues eating.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Konan wasn't upset, just surprised, and I was too. I was happy to hear that he didn't completely forget about himself, and tried to have some fun, rather then letting work consume him.

"I didn't think it was any of your business."

"Did you ever see her again?" This time it was me who asked, and both my friends stared at me with surprise. Konan had a smirk on her face, and Yahiko chuckled.

"No, it was a one time thing, we both agreed on that."

I looked at him with slight confusion. Why waste time on a date that you knew you weren't going to see again. Konan seemed to understand, but didn't say anything.

"Beside, Konan, when's the last time you went on a date?" Yahiko turned the tables on her.

"I'm not eighteen, so my case isn't pathetic yet. Beside there's no one who's caught my interest." She mumbles out.

"Ah, picky aren't we. I always thought you would be." Konan didn't say anything simply sat down on the couch and turned on the TV, changing the channel to watch one of her morbid horror shows. She enjoyed watching dark things like that; I simply stuck to watching the history channel, or some sort of criminal show, like law and order. Konan would sometimes join me while I was watching these shows.

I'm not sure what Yahiko usually watches. I know he tend to stay up later then any of us, watching TV waiting to get tired so he can rest peacefully. He never goes to be right after work, he always say he has too much energy, and can't rest peacefully. On Sundays he tended to watch whatever Konan, or I where watching, unless there was a martial arts tournament on the sport channel, then he practically forced us off the couch and changed the channel. He likes to watch sport alone, mainly because Konan and I—according to him—kill the fun with our sighs of boredom. Though I never remember making any noise.

I pick up mine, and Yahiko's plate once he's done, and shuffle into the kitchen to clean them. The read head takes a sit next to the bluenette joining her in watching TV.

"So what's with you sudden interest in my romantic life?" Yahiko muses.

"I just don't want you to be alone…you know me and Nagato are going to move out one day." Konan replied seriously. I look up from my dish washing, and pay closer attention to my friends' conversation.

"I suppose, but not to soon I hope." Yahiko replies.

"I want to go to college…become a social worker." Konan states with slight determination washing over her usually stoic face. I smile knowing the reason why she picked this profession. Not only because we where in the system most of our lives, but because under her serious demeanor Konan has a big heart. She's always liked helping people, and trying to make them feel welcome…just like when we first met…

"You'd make a great one." Yahiko smiles at out friend. "But college is expensive."

"I know, that's why I'm keeping my grades up and applying for scholarships, once I'm out of High school I'm going to find a part time job."

"You always have a plan." Yahiko chuckles. "What about you Nagato?"

I'm startled, I wasn't expecting to be addressed. I slowly wash the plate I was working on with a sponge. "I don't know…"

"You're smart, you shouldn't' let that go to waste." I looked at Yahiko, wanting to retort that he was also intelligent and let that go to waste when he dropped out of school. However, I kept my mouth shut. No reason to upset him, he's been nothing but good to us.

"I just never thought about it…I don't have an idea of what I would study if I where lucky enough to get into college." I say truthfully. I had given up on the idea of going to college a long time ago, and now I don't really have a great desire to further my education after high school.

"Well I guess there's no rush." My friend says simply, and I start to dry off the dishes.

"I guess Nagato will be keeping you company a little longer then I am," Konan says plainly.

* * *

I walk into the school building alone; Konan is talking to her friend, most likely informing her about Yahiko's decision. I sit down and slip off my shoes, putting them in my locker, and changing into my school shoes before taking a step on the polished wood floor. I walk down the hallway only to see Madara leaning against the wall, by our classroom. I lower my head, ignoring him, and just making my way to the door. Before I get the chance to slide it open Madara's hand rests on the door frame.

"We didn't have any homework...Madara...what is it you want?" I ask simply not looking up at the taller boy.

"To pick up where we left off yesterday." He says with a wicked smile.

"Madara, I'm not—" I shut my mouth when I feel Madara's arm around my waist. I close my lips tightly, prying that it would discourage him in some way.

"Come on Nagato, who are you fooling? It's obvious what you're attracted to." I glared at him, wanting to say that I was not attracted to him, for sure. However I couldn't find the bravery to say the words out loud.

"Don't you want to feel safe, and protected?" He whispers in my ear. I begin to struggle and try to push his arm off my waist. "You're always picked on, it's because you look so weak. I can protect you. I have a whole following, no one messes with me." He says seductively. "The only thing I want in return…" his fingers glide down my face. I slap them away.

"Oh, looks like you grew a back bone." He laughs.

"I don't want your protection!" I snap.

"Fine," He lets go, and I'm surprised. However when I see the smirk on his face, and uneasy feeling runs through my body. I quickly go into the classroom and sit in my desk. Not that the empty class room will shield me from Madara in any way.

I'm relieved when the longhaired boy doesn't enter the classroom. He was right about one thing…no one ever dared to upset or anger Madara. No one spread any rumors of why, they all kept their mouth shut, fearing whatever revenge Madara might give them for talking.

* * *

Please review, it lets me know that there is interest in the story, thank you.


	3. Returning for the night

Chapter 3: Returning for the night

_I brush my teeth. The hallway has long been deserted. All lights are out, but I continue to brush; cleansing my mouth. I rub the rough bristle across my tongue, while tears flow silently down my cheek. I spit, gargle and then brush my tongue with a fresh dab of toothpaste._

"_Nagato?" I flinch at the voice, and rub at my face. I had forgotten to close the bathroom door. I don't turn around to look at my friend, but simply continue to brush my tongue raw._

"_Why aren't you in bed?" Yahiko steps closer, I can see him through the mirror. I rinse my toothbrush and put it away._

"_I…I..I was asked to do something…" I explain vaguely._

"_Nagato, did she hurt you again?" Yahiko reaches out for me, but I step away._

"_No!" I snap at him, in a poor attempt to seem strong. I didn't want Yahiko's comfort, I just didn't want to be touched at that time. However Yahiko gets a hold of me and I struggle with him. He pulls up my sleeve searching for bruises. When he finds none on my arm he lifts my shirt._

"_Stop!" I tell him, and he freezes instantly. We look at one another, and with a pitiful frown Yahiko lets my shirt drop._

"_Nagato, why are you protecting her?"_

"_What would you do?" I sounded a little bitter._

"_I'd protect you." He whispers out._

"_How? She'd just punish you or—"_

"_I protected Konan didn't I?" I look away from him. Remembering how one of our foster brothers had taken Konan under the slide for a 'game'…which evolved touching her. Yahiko heard her cry out for him, and quickly took care of the problem, while Konan came running to me for comfort. Yahiko fought the boy. Of course the both of them got into trouble for fighting with our foster father…and were severely beaten. Yahiko didn't seem to mind, and even though he was limping when he came back to us he asked how Konan was doing, not at all concerned about his own health._

"_That was different…he wasn't older and bigger then you."_

"_I'll figure out a way, you just have to tell me what she's been doing to you. Has she been hitting you?" No she stopped hitting me a long time ago. I didn't want to tell Yahiko, the disgusting taste in my mouth resurfaced and I felt like brushing my teeth again._

"_Nagato, just tell me. I'll be with you the whole time, then when she tries to hurt you I'll take the blow instead, ok?" I look into my friend's pure blue eyes. Those eyes…they've seen so much but they haven't become selfish. They've seen so much pain…and now only want to prevent others from feeling that same pain._

"_Yahiko," I hiccup, he hugs me. And I hold on tightly to him in return. I shake my head against his shoulder. He wont' be able to help me, he could never take my place, and I didn't want him to get hurt either. We were to young to worry about this…to young to have seen our parents die in front of us…and to young to be in this horrible foster home._

"Hey Nagato?" I feel a slight shake on my shoulder, and a odd smell enters my nose. I open my eyes, and look up to see orange spikes. My eyes focus on my friend's face, which has a smirk on its lips. "You waiting up for me?"

I sit up on the couch rubbing my eyes. "Konan was too..." I say blankly looking around for the girl. She must have gone to sleep after Yahiko hadn't shown up. "What time is it?" I question.

"It's three in the morning, you need to go to bed." He states.

"Where have you been? The date didn't last that long did it?"

My roommate shakes his head. "No, I went out on my own afterward."

"Did you not enjoy yourself with her?"

Yahiko plops on the couch next to me. He leans back and tilts his head to look at the ceiling. "She's not my type." He says bluntly.

"Oh…"

"She's nice, and I'm happy that you and Konan set me up with her. It was a nice enough evening, but nothing I would label romantic."

"Where did you go afterward then?' I question him.

He seems to hesitate. "A bar." He looks at me. "I didn't drink or anything, just people watching, you know?" He shrugs. I nod, though not quite understanding, but glad to hear he hadn't indulged in alcohol. After all he's too young for that.

He hauls himself up off the couch, and walks towards our room. "Well do you plan on sleeping on the couch all night?" He teases. I quietly get up and turn off the lights in the living room before heading to my bed.

* * *

I feel a soft hand on my shoulder, and it gently shakes me. I roll over from my side to look up at who's trying to get my attention. I see Konan's somewhat annoyed face.

"What are you doing still sleeping?" she questions me seriously, in a low whisper. I look at her confused, and then turn to look at the clock sitting on the nightstand between mine and Yahiko's bed.

"We're going to be late!" I say abruptly.

"Hence the reason I asked why you were still sleeping." Konan says with a sigh. "Hurry and get dressed." I nod to her quickly and get out of my bed, as she heads out the door.

I change in the bathroom quickly, and run my toothbrush over my teeth, not caring to brush my hair; I simply pat it down.

Konan waits for me at the door, and I jog up to her. She takes my hand and pulls me down the hall, and out of our apartment complex. She lets go of me letting me walk, rather then stumble along after her fast pace, once we make it to the sidewalk.

"So you stayed up until Yahiko came home?" Konan says knowingly. I nod to confirm her suspicion. "What did he think of Anko?"

"He said she was nice, but isn't his type," I tell her, with an apologetic smile.

"Well I guess I'll have to asks her in order to get any great detail." Konan though out loud.

"Yahiko said he went to a bar afterward. Maybe you're interest in his romantic life sparked something." I say hoping to make Konan feel like she helped our friend; even if it wasn't the way she planed it.

"Maybe" she says emotionlessly, and we walk on in silence the rest of the way to school.

Konan starts to quicken her pace as we get closer to our school building. The bell that announces the beginning of class hasn't rung yet, or so I assume since a big crowed of students were still socializing in the courtyard.

"I'm going to see if I can find Anko. You'll be fine on your own right?"

"Of course," I tell her with a smile. My face relaxes once she's out of sight and I emotionlessly make my way into the building to change my shoes.

I slide open the door and enter the classroom. "I'm surprise to see that you're late." I stiffen as Madara's voice drifts to my ears. I turn around, my eyes fixed to the floor and simply make my way to my desk.

"What was the hold up?" he asks me with a smirk on his face. I don't answer him. "Oh so we're playing that game today. What happened to the defensiveness you had yesterday?"

I don't respond, and let my hair fall into my face, trying to hide away from the world. "You know, Nagato, if you were to hook up with me, I could find plenty of work for you. Don't tell me you wouldn't like to make a little extra cash on the side."

"Not interested," I mutter out finally.

"You really don't know a good thing when it's staring you in the face. You'd have my protection, make extra cash, and you wouldn't be giving me that much in return. Shit the jobs I'd have you do would help me out." He smirks again tilting my head up, forcing me to look at him.

"I don't want to be part of your gang." I tell him

"Gang?" He says with mock insult. "Is a couple of guys hanging out and doing favors for people, really a gang?" He chuckles evilly, and lets go of my chin. "You should really think about it, Nagato." He finishes just as Konan walks in, and leaves to take a seat in his own desk. My friend gives him a glare and comes over to me.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, I can handle myself, you don'' need to be worrying about me twenty four seven." I say with a hint of amusement in my voice. Konan nods slowing, as if pondering my response. Am I really that useless…that weak...that she wouldn't believe I could take care of my self for just a couple of minutes? I don't let the dark though sink in, and simply let out a sigh, and rest my head in my hand.

* * *

"I'm sorry I didn't have time to make a lunch for us Konan," I tell the blue haired girl. We're sitting together in our empty classroom, as the others go outside to eat, or maybe meeting up with friends in a different classroom.

"That's fine. I invited Anko to eat with us if that's ok."

"Sure, what did she have to say about Yahiko?"

"She said there was no spark, but she had fun," Konan shrugs. "Besides she's already chasing after another guy." Konan rolls her eyes. "Girls." She mutters out.

"You're one of them." I laugh.

"I'm not like that though." She says emotionlessly, looking into my eyes. I nod as the silent message is heard. Both Konan and I don't have love lives…I think we still haven't fully let go of what happened to us in the foster home. I don't mind, I'm happy with her and Yahiko. We're a family, and right now that's all I need. I don't' want to be in a relationship, it would only be another thing to make me stress out and worry.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when Konan's hand touches me, I look up to see she's still searching my eyes. "Nagato, have you ever thought—"

"Konan!" We both turn around to see a girl at the classroom door; it was Anko. She comes over to use, while Konan briefly holds on to an irritated expression before letting a smile grace her lips. She pulls her hand away from mine, as if she had never opened her mouth. I don't bother to ask her about it. After all she's busy talking to her friend, and if it's really important she'll mention it again.

I watch as the two girls speak, occasionally trying to politely draw me into their conversion, but I suddenly didn't feel like talking. Instead I gazed out of the window. I can't help but think about Madara. Granted he's always bothered me, or pushed me around a little, however, I think he's getting more persistent. He's trying to be more civil as if that would fool me into letting my guard down. It doesn't matter what he says, he's a leader of a gang; and I don't want to get into trouble. At the same time…refusing him may get me into trouble as well. I shake my head, chasing away my fears; I need to stand up for myself. I can't let Madara get into my head, and break me down. I really don't want to be weak anymore. I don't' need his protection…I don't want anyone's protection.

I twist my armband over my still healing skin, the slight sting of pain calming me a little.

"Nagato?" I look up at Konan abruptly, her voice was like a splash of cold water. "Are you all right?"

"Hmm? Of course," I smile at her, holding on tighter to my wrist. "Why wouldn't I be?'

"You just…You're eye looked a little watery is all. I guess I'm just reading to much into things." She says in a monotone voice, still look at me. I smile and slowly turn my head. Does it look like I'm about to cry? Why am I letting this all get to me? Why do I let him control me like this. I can't break down, and then just agree to whatever he wants…what he's asking for now is much bigger then homework.

I shutter, with disgust. I know he has more then one motive to recruit me, he isn't shy about hiding it. I touch my lower lip before biting it hard, feeling angry with myself.

No matter what…no matter who…I could never really stop anyone from kissing me...from using me. I didn't have the strength, and I still don't. I'm a victim… but I'm also guilty for letting it happen. Call it childish innocence…but after the first time she touched me…I should have know the second time that I should have ran or done something. Instead I just did everything she told me to…like a good boy.

"Nagato!" My memories, bitterness and sorrow are shattered. I look up to find Konan staring into my eyes, her hand holding on tightly to my shoulders. She gives me a sympathetic smile, Anko watches us from behind.

"I knew you looked like you were about to cry," she says plain, wiping roughly at my cheek.

"I'm sorry, I guess I just let my mind wonder a little to far." I explain, with a fragile smile. She nods, and sits back down. Watching me, while Anko slowly asked me how I felt. When I didn't answer she turn to Konan, who only puts up a dismissive hand.

I don't want to feel bitter, or weak. I've always tried to think of the good that people do. Yahiko has always done that. He's always kept faith that if you are kind to other that same kindness may return to you. Maybe that one act of kindness brightens someone's day just a little bit, and it starts a chain. Sometime I wonder if Yahiko can really believe that after everything he's seen. When I think back to our childhood together, he use to be even more optimistic, but he became a little bit more violent with age. He would force respect and kindness, and in the end he always protected Konan, and me even if it meant he was hurt in the process. He was determined, and never let anyone or anything keep him down

_"If there is going to be pain in our lives, I want to be able to control as much of it as possible, and keep us away from the avoidable sorrow."_

He said that to us when he left, dropping out of school running away and leaving us behind, only to come back and rescue us yet again from pain. However, pains not that easy to defeat, and I still feel it, and I feel weak because I let that feeling over power me. I want to be happy, because things are better now. I don't think it would be right to feel miserable after everything Yahiko has done for me, and never once has he complained. I hold on to my wrist again, and look down at the band covering my flesh. I want to be happy, but I just can't get rid of the pain for long. It always comes back, and I always seek that bloody relief… always. No matter how much shame I feel towards myself, a razor is the only comfort I know. The only stability and constant in my life, the one thing I can control.

The bell rings to announce that lunch is over. Anko get up to leave shooting me a look of indifference, before saying goodbye. Konan is looking at me as well, but I ignore her.

* * *

It was quiet on the walk home. The rest of the day I focused on my studies, and stay within my mind. Konan didn't try to coax me out of my shell and simply left me be.

I push open the door to our apartment, to see Yahiko's leg hanging over the back of the couch, and the TV on. He's watching anime, and I smile a little.

"Is that Sailor Moon?" Konan asks teasingly.

"No, it's Wedding Peach." Yahiko corrects. Konan rolls her eyes before heading off into her room. I sit down on the armrest of the sofa, seeing as Yahiko is taking up the whole couch. "There's nothing else on ok. No sport, no crime things, and I'm not watching soap operas." He explains to me defensively. I don't respond and simply watch the cartoon.

"Long day at school?"

I turn my head slowly to look at my orange haired friend. "Huh…? Oh, I guess." I shrug nonchalantly.

"You know I'm here to listen if something's on your mind."

"I'm fine," I say a little harshly, and wince at the sound of my own voice.

Yahiko brushes the tone of smoothly with a teasing smirk. "Ok, but I don't' want to catch you crying later." I feel a little comfort in his teasing, but I am unable to put a smile on my face for him. Instead I just sit silently continuing to watch TV for a minute or two, before deciding to change out of my school clothes.

I just don't know why I'm thinking so much today…

* * *

Thank you to those who took the time to review. That made me happy, thanks. I hope everyone is enjoying or finding this interesting. If so, please review, if you don't mind.


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